6 tips for dealing with a sexist asshat + 6 tips for when you are the asshat

There comes a point in every woman's life where she realizes the world isn't fair. I'm not writing this to bitch about how being a woman sucks.  I'm writing this to show that people don't often realize that they are doing something to make someone else uncomfortable without being confronted about it.

This is hardly the first time I've had to deal with sexism in the workplace. In my first "big kid" job the owner of the company had the audacity to tell the 3 female managers that he didn't believe 3 women could run the company without male help.  Because THAT'S a culture every woman wants to be in.

Unlike the previous example, where it was blatant sexism, often people(men and women) don't realize that they are doing something that makes someone else uncomfortable. Basic respect and decency towards others are commodities not often seen in the workplace regardless of company policies. If you wouldn't say that to your mother/father, don't say it to a coworker.

But how do you address a problem with a coworker who makes you feel uncomfortable or inferior?

6 tips for dealing with an asshat

1. Talk to someone outside the situation about it. Call your parents or a friend and let them know about the situation. Could your conversation or the situation have been misconstrued?
2. Talk to your manager. Part of their job is helping manage tricky situations. The other part of their job is making sure you and your concerns are taken seriously.
3. Talk to the person one on one or with your manager present if it makes you more comfortable. Let them know what you took from the situation and why it offended you. Do not accuse. Be matter of fact. Try not to get emotional about it. Do not excuse their actions.
4. Work with your manager or HR to develop a company culture where certain behaviors are unacceptable. No one should feel uncomfortable or inferior at work because of what sex they are born.
5. Do not talk about it with other coworkers: this is between you, the other person, and your manager/HR. No one else needs to know.
6. If the situation is not handled in an appropriate manner: get legal counsel. Everyone in the workplace has basic rights and if yours are being violated: get help.

Sometimes people just don't realize they are offending or hurting someone else. People can be callous and insensitive towards others feelings and beliefs. We are all guilty of it, myself included. Since you are an adult, handle the situation like one.


Let's be realistic for a moment, as a woman I say things that are sexist and could make a man uncomfortable.  They don't need or want to hear about my period or about the bullying I experienced as a young woman.  They just don't need to know.  It would likely make them uncomfortable, in the same way that hearing about their latest conquest or how much of a slut she was makes me uncomfortable. I don't like hearing my sex be disrespected and I doubt men do either. Sexism goes both ways.

6 tips for when you are the asshat

1. When the person comes to talk to you...LISTEN.
2. Apologize if that is necessary, explain yourself regardless.
3. If you were an asshat, say so.
4. Try to be more appropriate in the future.
5. Don't go gossiping about it. The person came to you to resolve the problem, thank them for being an adult and act like one yourself.
6. If there was not a manager involved, document the situation for your own records.

So there you go, be an adult: regardless of other people's bad behavior. They might be a sexist asshat and sometimes you might be the sexist asshat. Try not to for everyone's sake.