Fear is a Strong Motivator

School shooting is a nasty word. It brings with it fear, sadness, anger, and relief. Fear for the students, teachers, first responders, and parents. Sadness for the students who are hurt or dead and their families. Anger that this happened again, despite the funding and education flooding the system(or not). Relief that your child or your friend's children are safe.  Fear is the common component of school shootings.

Today this hit even closer to home when a friend of mine's daughter, age 6, was put on lockdown for a school shooting that happened in Madison, OH. She does not go to the district in question.  The surrounding school districts were put on lockdown following the school shooting. This led to a student in another district coming forward to say that he/she knew of someone with a gun in their school. Fear is a strong motivator. Knowing that a school shooting happened so close to them, this student came forward and reported another student for having a gun. Had the school not gone into lockdown, the student may never have come forward. There could have been 2 school shootings in a 20 mile radius today, but because school districts close to the shooting took the step to lock down their schools as well, one shooting did not happen. Good job school districts!

There is one reason a student brings a gun to school: FEAR. Fear is one of the strongest motivators known to humans. Students bring guns to school for 2 reasons: because of fear for their own safety and fear driving retaliation. A student should never have to bring a gun to school for fear of their own safety. A student should never have to bring a gun to school to retaliate against another person.

Maybe we need to stop teaching to a test to please state representatives and senators. Maybe we should start spending time teaching our kids life lessons. There has been a steep rise in school shootings in the past 15 years.  There has to be a way for us to educate students, schools, districts, and parents.

I'm pro-gun. I am a gun owner myself. I got properly trained and my gun is in a locked gun-safe. The only people with access to it are myself and my boyfriend. Our gun is for protection. It is not a toy.  Guns are not toys. They are a protection method that should only be used in the most dire of circumstances.  Colorado has more Conceal to Carry permits than any other state, and we are an open carry state! Guns are for protection. They are not toys. Our children will grow up with a healthy respect for guns, but they won't know the combination to the gun safe or even know where it is.

Ideally I want my children to grow up in a place where gun violence does not occur.  I don't want to be worried about my child while they are at school. School should be a safe zone for learning and development of social skills, not a place of death and misery.

Fear is the strongest motivator known to us.  #EndGunViolence #Teachthem #fear #schoolshooting

6 tips for dealing with a sexist asshat + 6 tips for when you are the asshat

There comes a point in every woman's life where she realizes the world isn't fair. I'm not writing this to bitch about how being a woman sucks.  I'm writing this to show that people don't often realize that they are doing something to make someone else uncomfortable without being confronted about it.

This is hardly the first time I've had to deal with sexism in the workplace. In my first "big kid" job the owner of the company had the audacity to tell the 3 female managers that he didn't believe 3 women could run the company without male help.  Because THAT'S a culture every woman wants to be in.

Unlike the previous example, where it was blatant sexism, often people(men and women) don't realize that they are doing something that makes someone else uncomfortable. Basic respect and decency towards others are commodities not often seen in the workplace regardless of company policies. If you wouldn't say that to your mother/father, don't say it to a coworker.

But how do you address a problem with a coworker who makes you feel uncomfortable or inferior?

6 tips for dealing with an asshat

1. Talk to someone outside the situation about it. Call your parents or a friend and let them know about the situation. Could your conversation or the situation have been misconstrued?
2. Talk to your manager. Part of their job is helping manage tricky situations. The other part of their job is making sure you and your concerns are taken seriously.
3. Talk to the person one on one or with your manager present if it makes you more comfortable. Let them know what you took from the situation and why it offended you. Do not accuse. Be matter of fact. Try not to get emotional about it. Do not excuse their actions.
4. Work with your manager or HR to develop a company culture where certain behaviors are unacceptable. No one should feel uncomfortable or inferior at work because of what sex they are born.
5. Do not talk about it with other coworkers: this is between you, the other person, and your manager/HR. No one else needs to know.
6. If the situation is not handled in an appropriate manner: get legal counsel. Everyone in the workplace has basic rights and if yours are being violated: get help.

Sometimes people just don't realize they are offending or hurting someone else. People can be callous and insensitive towards others feelings and beliefs. We are all guilty of it, myself included. Since you are an adult, handle the situation like one.


Let's be realistic for a moment, as a woman I say things that are sexist and could make a man uncomfortable.  They don't need or want to hear about my period or about the bullying I experienced as a young woman.  They just don't need to know.  It would likely make them uncomfortable, in the same way that hearing about their latest conquest or how much of a slut she was makes me uncomfortable. I don't like hearing my sex be disrespected and I doubt men do either. Sexism goes both ways.

6 tips for when you are the asshat

1. When the person comes to talk to you...LISTEN.
2. Apologize if that is necessary, explain yourself regardless.
3. If you were an asshat, say so.
4. Try to be more appropriate in the future.
5. Don't go gossiping about it. The person came to you to resolve the problem, thank them for being an adult and act like one yourself.
6. If there was not a manager involved, document the situation for your own records.

So there you go, be an adult: regardless of other people's bad behavior. They might be a sexist asshat and sometimes you might be the sexist asshat. Try not to for everyone's sake.

The writing process

I've always wanted to write a book. I've had many good ideas, but with all the books out there already, I couldn't justify adding mine to the mix, until now.

I'm continually asked by clients to write something that's me, instead of the research. The research is all well and good, but without the person behind it, it's meaningless. Stories sell right? The reasons people buy weight loss pills, miracle cures for cancer, and even therapy: is because of stories. The people who have been helped by these things tell their story. My story isn't crazy, there are very few bumps in my road, but it's time to add my story and my 2 cents as to why certain things are important to me.

The writing process isn't easy. I don't know how my favorite authors can crank out two 500+ page books a year. I have stories of myself and others, the research, and just general advice to add to this book. I want it to be accessible and an easy read. Research books are hard to read, make it hard to grasp the concepts, and are typically very dry. I want a book that can combine the research with methods that work in an easy way to really help people be better. We all want to be better people. We want to devote more time to our family, help our kids succeed, and make our work more productive.  I hope that this book will help everyone, myself included to do that.  

Writing itself is a lot more difficult than writers make it out to be. Books don't write themselves. You have to actually sit down and write. Crazy right? It's more than that though. Free writing is good, but doesn't get everything out there. It doesn't work with research. It's definitely a process. A slow, complicated process. 

Wish me luck. 

Cleanses Effective or No?

Are cleanses effective or not?

I keep hearing about cleanses; Juice cleanses soup cleanses, heavy metal cleanses, radiation cleanses. I'm still not sure about cleanses that are meant to clean your body of radiation or heavy metals, but after long discussions with friends in the nutrition world, I have to take a stance on food cleanses. Don't do them unless prescribed by a nutritionist to treat a specific condition. The regular person does not need these to lose weight or kickstart their system.

If you only get to drink or eat one food/ food group, you are probably missing out on necessary nutrients and this can cause your body to freak out. The results of these cleanses are often immediate but short lived. You lost 5 pounds in 3 days, but afterwards you ate 3 pieces of cheesecake and a 20 oz steak to celebrate. 3 days later the five lbs are back. If you have the ability to avoid doing a cleanse, please do so. If you are going to do a cleanse, do so under a nutritionist's guidance.

For even better results remember the simple things: eat lots of proteins, fruits, vegetables, eat less processed food, drink lots of water, and get 30 minutes of moderate exercise a day.